Guest: Roman Wyden
Integrity and its place in Relationships:
There are moments in people’s lives that cause them to look back and reflect on their decisions. Typically, the older you get the deeper this reflection becomes, and it’s not until our later years that we realize one of the most enlightening lessons of life: In the end it doesn’t matter how much money you had, where you traveled, or what you did…what matters is how you made people feel, the authenticity of the relationships you built, and the amount of integrity you’ve practiced.
Now, the question of what integrity is and why it’s important rests on the fact that our relationships, trust earned, and ability to align with our purpose in life is what results in a life worth living for.
In this immensely exciting episode of BREAKTHROUGHS with Jordan Murphy, we hear from the podcast host of YOU. LOVE. LIFE, Roman Wyden. Roman is a successful relationship coach, loving father, and happy husband; he owes this to the indelible lessons of integrity learned from the breakthroughs in his marital relationship. Get ready for this profound episode as Roman and Jordan dive into the intimate topics of relationships, philosophy, integrity, love, and life!
Roman’s breakdown and breakthrough with integrity:
Roman opens-up 100% as he reveals his infidelity in all his past relationships--including his marriage even after already having kids. Since that time though, Roman has done much transformational work and become a highly desired relationship coach. People may still judge him, however the man he’s become through the lessons learned and actions shown transcends his history. Romans story is one of many similar ones; and his life’s journey is a testimony to the fact that we can overcome fear of honesty and develop fulfilling relationships through integrity, intimacy, and dedication.
The breakthrough occurred after Roman shot a short film called “Seven Days”, which, ironically, was filmed in seven days. It was about a couple who were considering opening-up their relationship. It included sex, drugs, frustration, overcoming grief, and every past persona/experience of Romans. This film allowed Roman to literally see an almost identical situation to his played out, and after wrapping up the film he immediately decided this was his past and he was done with that life.
A Lesson in Intimacy:
Roman explains the struggle of how unfaithful individuals contemplate whether grass is greener on the other side, rather than watering where they stand. “Because we remain unsure, we usually go into relationships with one foot in one foot out”. This just doesn’t work though, you’re either committed or you aren’t. What’s interesting is that this ability to fully commit bleeds into another facet of relationships, intimacy. Roman and Jordan agree this means more than sex though, this is about being vulnerable to your partner and establishing trust in relationships.
Most men who cheat and don’t confess usually do so because they’re afraid to take responsibility. They don’t want to cause pain towards their partner and although that may sound nice, it’s a selfish and weak trait. Roman explains how he used to shy away from approaching strong woman because of these traits. He’d go for the ‘easy’ ones that wouldn’t force him to take a good hard look at himself. This was the manifestation from exhibiting a lack of vulnerability to partners, which is necessary for cultivating intimacy.
Advice worth remembering:
Roman leaves us with some of the best advice to carry into our relationships: In relationships you have to be able to give and receive feedback without getting hurt. "Love your partner for who they are and who they are not". Most importantly, talk about your desires fully with your partner. There might be several days or even weeks of “fuck you” and crying, but after the storm settles, you’ll end up having created a cohesive loving bond with your partner that only results from that type of vulnerability.
Lessons to save a relationship: integrity and intimacy
Have integrity: keep your word; do what you say you are going to do, because you said you are going to do it.
If you have to question yourself or ask your best friend if you should confess something to your partner, then that’s a signal that you probably should.
Simply stated, don’t lie…it just doesn’t work out in the end no matter how easy it might be in the present.
Call each other forth, not out.
Don’t make others responsible for your happiness.
Don’t make others responsible for your happiness.
Together as a couple, do what you love and love what you do.
Either put your head down and work to build the relationship or quit. If you do neither, then you remain forever stagnant in this limbo land. Don't worry about choosing the "right way" first, it’s a matter of just choosing and then adjusting course if needed.
No one can accurately measure your level of integrity but you, so set your standards high not low. When you build this trait, it will carry into all facets of your life! Lastly, we want to provide a suggestion for the future challenges you may face in relationships: Approach the situation from a place of “how can we make this work”, not “will this work out”. This slight difference in thought will lead to a dramatic difference in your quality of life.
Roman Wyden, host of YOU.LOVE.LIFE. is a relationship coach, podcast host, producer & father and husband. We talked about our single days, dating, marriage, parenting, transformation, loving, cheating, intimacy and more.
I guarantee you that this episode is entertaining, insightful and most of all inspiring.
For more information on Roman and his podcast, visit www.youlovelifepodcast.com