Guest: Frmr Army Ranger sniper, Life Coach, Author-David Parke
Secrets to building confidence
In this complex experience we call life, the secrets to building confidence now transcend beyond the basic thoughts of “I can do this”. There are many different forms, however the most potent is when one can say, “no matter what happens, I will be okay, and the world will continue to spin”. This broad, yet positive perspective is the genesis of consciously creating a state of serenity and well-being in your life.
In this episode of Breakthroughs with Jordan Murphy, we are accompanied by a true pioneer in the art of building confidence-Dave Parke. To begin, Dave is a board-certified coach in strategic intervention, hypnosis, and neurolinguistic programming. He spent time in the service as a Navy medical tech diver, an Army Ranger Sniper, then as a part of the military intelligence unit, and lastly 8 years as a military advisor. As if that weren’t enough, Dave is also the author of two successful books: “Coach with Courage” and “The Kill Book”. These books are a culmination of his experience in working with individuals who have taken lives or suffer from PTSD.
How to build confidence: performance over fear
How is it that a solider can perform great when being shot at during war, however crumbles when it comes to an acting audition or talking to a girl? Dave explains how there is no realistic or effective cure for fear; it should be viewed solely as information to act upon. “Fear can be used as a tool or as something that paralyzes you depending on your perception of it”. This is important because it touches on the fact that having established values can counteract this natural fear reaction. For example, in the war you don’t think about having to kill the bad guy or the grief. Your priority right then and there is you, your teammates, and the mission. This dilutes the fear of risk and enhances your focus on the priority.
When you face fear the first step you should take is identifying the competing value. Let’s say for example you’re afraid of asking the boss for a well-deserved raise. What you need to do is set a priority that truly matters so it justifies your desire and dilutes the fear. In the case of wanting a raise, a priority might be to increase the standard of living for your kids so they can have more opportunity. This priority/motivation is powerful enough to enhance your performance under pressure. Start building confidence today by establishing what really matters in your life. This process of reinventing yourself begins with finding alignment and identifying your passions and priorities.
How to gain confidence: stop, breathe, and think
The limbic region of the brain is responsible for a very outdated response to fear. It developed thousands of years ago in a time where we relied on a flight or fight-type response for our survival. Unfortunately, this region hasn’t evolved too much since then. We are still prone to fear reactions when we identify certain indicators that may have triggered a fear response in the past. This is important because it’s the origin to understanding we have a choice other than an outdated response to current situations.
Dave stresses that the things we consider “imperfect” are really perfect in this infinite network of interrelated things. If we can just chill out and not worry about how things will unfold, we will begin to experience much more peace when building confidence. In every situation we have the ability to deliberately perceive the instance as something negative or positive. Regardless of how you choose to see it, you still have a choice. And in the grand perspective of things, having a choice will always be a slightly more positive situation than not having that choice. Thus, if we can just get out of our own way, building confidence to accomplish the things we prioritize will come easier. You’ll realize you can choose to learn and benefit from each experience rather than let it define you. This practice builds character, it builds integrity, and ultimately it builds you.